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The Illusion of Perfect Timing

Recently I stumbled upon a quote by the well-known clergyman, Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. He said, “Patience is power. Patience is not the absence of action; rather it is “timing.” It waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.” On its face, it sounds like sound advice, wait on the right time to act, for the right principles, and in the right way. However, as I review the things that have taken place in my life, I recognize some of the things that I am most proud of my life would not have occurred had I chosen to wait for the perfect time to do it.

I have come to believe that perfect timing is an illusion. No matter what it is that you want to do, there will be a reason why it’s not the “perfect time” to do it. If you wait for the perfect time to do it, the opportunity may come and go, or the problem will have been solved, but something else has now come in and taken the place of your previous problem, and it will still not be the right time. There is no such thing as perfect timing. If there is something that you need to do to fulfill your purpose, don’t wait until the water in the pool goes from cold to warm, jump in and get drenched from head to toe.

When I made my first career change, from banking to ministry, it was not the right time. I had three young children. I would need to leave my job and move to the Midwest. I would also not be able to hold a full-time job and go to school full-time. The expectations of the school and the volume of work assigned by each teacher — you could only work 10 hours a week and each class required at least two hours of study each day — made it impossible to hold a full-time job. The truth is, had I waited for the perfect time, I probably would’ve never completed seminary, and might’ve never had some of the greatest experiences of my life. So, don’t wait, jump in the pool, and get drenched from head to toe.

Why should you do that? Because when you jump in, the water will not get warmer, but your body will adjust to the coldness of the water temperature. One of the reasons we don’t go forward because the timing is not perfect is because we often spend a lot of time worrying about things that could happen, and might not happen. When I packed my bags and headed for the University Campus, there were so many things going through my mind that had to do with all the things that could go wrong. Most of those things did not happen, I spent three and a half years in seminary, it wasn’t without its challenges, but I graduated and went on to a great 20-year run in Pastoral Ministry.

Why did that happen? Because there are two ways to handle what life throws at you: you can be passive and allow life to take you where it wants, or you can take control of the steering wheel. I chose to manage the steering wheel. I didn’t spend time worrying about things that hadn’t happen yet. I’ve learned that if you take care of the crucial day to day things in your life, you will not have to deal with lots of urgent things, and will not often be in crisis. The reason things usually become urgent is that we didn’t take care of them while they were just important. There will be some urgent things that come out of nowhere and catch you off guard. Deal with them when they come, and don’t stress yourself if it hasn’t happened.

I decided almost two years ago to go down a new path. That means traveling unknown roads and experiencing new adventures. The timing was definitely not perfect. I jumped into the pool without making the right preparations. As a result, the landing wasn’t smooth. I made quite a few mistakes early on because I wasn’t quite prepared for the leap I took – I’m beginning to recover from some of these errors.

However, it is also true that as much as I can identify the things I should’ve done differently, and as much as I recognize that the timing wasn’t quite right, I also know that the timing would never be perfect. Jumping in the pool, even though the timing wasn’t perfect has its benefits. I’ve grown stronger and become smarter from this experience, there has been a lot of self-discovery, some of which surprised me, and I know for sure that challenges in life may bend me, but they cannot break me.

So, what about you? How many things have you put on the shelf because you are waiting for perfect timing? Let me share with you the words of Gary Ryan Blair, “You cannot afford to wait for perfect conditions. Goal setting is often a matter of balancing timing against available resources. Opportunities are easily lost while waiting for perfect conditions.” I suggest you put your bathing suit on and don’t stick your toe in the water to measure the temperature of the pool, just jump in and get wet from head to toe. You will surprise yourself.

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Take the Leap!!!

“There are many talented people who haven’t fulfilled their dreams because they over thought it, or they were too cautious, and were unwilling to make the leap of faith.” – James Cameron

There is an article last year, in Inc. Magazine, that referenced a University of Scranton research study on the success people have in achieving their New Year’s goals. The findings indicated that a whopping 92% of individuals who set New Year’s goals fail to accomplish them. Another 2014 article in Entrepreneur Magazine states that only 6% of people achieve their childhood dreams. And a recent blog posted by the Wealth Research Group identifies the fact that 98% of people die without fulfilling their dreams. These facts should make you think hard about your life and the goals and dreams you have not achieved.

In a Psychology Today article dated January 12, 2015, Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. shared six reasons that explain why people don’t pursue and fail to achieve their dreams.

Some people are too shy to approach individuals they need to fulfill their goals and dreams. Whether this is someone we want to date, someone who can help us network into a desired career, or someone who is financially able to invest in our vision, the inability to make that face-to-face request prevents the removing of the barrier that serves to keep the dream from becoming a reality. Think about it in this way, if you do reach out and ask and they say, “No,” how has your life changed? The answer is, not at all. But what if they say yes?

Some people don’t feel deserving. It is a feeling of not being good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough to obtain the desired dream. Perhaps you have internalized negative thoughts that subliminally replay in your daily interactions. Some of these messages to ourselves come from what others have said, while others are internally generated ingrained beliefs we have developed about ourselves. Understand that If you don’t feel deserving, no one else will believe you are deserving.

Some people question their skill, talent, and ability to be successful. In this situation, the individual wants it and feels they are deserving, but look at the situation from what they lack, rather than from what they have. Sometimes it is simply the result of not wanting to make mistakes and fail. This belief keeps individuals from achieving their goals and dreams.

Some people are not willing to invest the time and effort it requires. Going after a dream takes an investment of time and effort. It may mean that after having worked a day job, you will have to spend your nights and weekends working on that book, or that business idea, or pursuing that dream. It means having to put aside some enjoyable pastimes or activities to work on achieving that goal or dream. Failure to invest that time and effort guarantees that the dream will not come to fruition.

Some people don’t feel adequate in comparison to others with similar goals. It is a fact that you will always find someone smarter, more attractive, more experienced, more educated, and more financially stable than you. Regardless of how great they are, they are not you. Remember that no one can be a better you, than you. You are the only competition that matters. Focus on being the best you that you can be.

Some people worry about failing and what people will say about them and think about them. If Thomas Edison worried about what people would say about him, we might not have the electric light bulb. He was unsuccessful in his first 1,000 attempts. He may have even had colleagues and competitors that mocked and laughed at his efforts, but Edison understood that failing at something is not akin to being a failure.

If I synthesized all these reasons into one word, I believe that word would be “fear.” The reason why so many people don’t achieve in life or pursue their goals and dreams, and the reason so many fail to take the leap is because of fear. That is sad because fear is a wasted emotion. It doesn’t solve anything, and it doesn’t prevent anyone from doing anything. It is simply a convenient justification for not taking a leap.

The good news is the antidote to fear is courage. Courage does not mean you are not afraid. Courage just says, “I am afraid. Nevertheless, I’m going to ignore my fear and go for it.” What dreams and goals have you been afraid to pursue? Get a dose of courage and TAKE THE LEAP!!!!

You Can’t Unwind the Odometer

A few weeks ago, I held a leadership training where I facilitated a discussion on Leadership and Managing Personal and Professional Mistakes. I told the story of a law enforcement officer, who traffic-stopped a teenage girl in a small Midwestern town. This young lady had been driving for some time. . .in reverse. After receiving several calls from concerned citizens, the Sheriff went to see what was going on. He arrived at the scene, stopped the young lady and asked, “Miss, why are you driving in reverse?” She explained to the officer, “My father gave me permission to use his car, but I put too many miles on it?” She continued saying, “And now, I’m trying to unwind some of it.”

There are some important realities that we should not overlook. First, you’re not perfect; you can only create a perception of perfection. You are going to mess up at one time or another. You might even make a real mess of things. If you’re lucky, word of your mess up will be limited to a small number of people. If you’re “really” lucky, the ones who know about your mess up don’t matter. Unfortunately, many of us are not that lucky, and maybe you’re not one of the lucky ones. You screwed up – in business, in your personal life, or in a relationship – and lots of people you know, love, and whose opinion you care about, know it. So, what now?

Start off by accepting the fact that “what’s done is done.” With an automobile there are ways, although it’s not legal (I even think it’s a felony), to “unwind an odometer.” In real life, you can’t unwind the odometer. Ruminating about it, obsessing over it, and beating yourself up doesn’t change what happened. The best thing and only good option is to learn valuable lessons from this experience so that you don’t pass this way again. So, face the music head on, consequences included, and go and “sin” no more. My personal belief is that there are no mistakes in life, there are only life lessons. If you don’t learn the lesson, then you’re an idiot or a fool (if the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t try it on). Everyone has a label: wise, idiot, or fool; but you choose which one you wear.

Keep in mind, you are not the first person to mess up, and you won’t be the last. Some people will talk about you. Others will judge and criticize you. Just remember that your real friends will still love you and be there for you, and people have a short attention span. They will move on soon enough and focus on the next person who messed up. Here’s a tip, if you want people to move on quickly, let them know through your actions that having people talk about you doesn’t faze you. Even if it bothers the heck out of you, act as if it doesn’t. They will get bored, stop looking at you, and focus on someone else.

I learned two things over the years that influence how I look at major mistakes in life: I learned that one major mistake, or one bad period in your life, or even several major mistakes or periods of life, cannot define you unless you allow it to. You are not the essence of one good thing you’ve done in your life, neither are you defined by the bad thing, or things, that you’ve done in your past. In the end, all that matters is what you do from here and the legacy you leave behind when it’s all over. All the great men (and women) who have ever lived, or are still living today have flaws. We don’t remember the flaws. We remember the great things they have done, and we are grateful for their having lived, flaws and all. Their existence made the world a better place.

I also learned that finishing the race, and how you finish the race, says more about you than how fast you finished. During the marathon of the 1968 Olympic Games in Mexico, the winner was Mamo Wolde, an Ethiopian Runner. However, he is overshadowed in history by the last place runner Tanzanian Runner, John Stephen Akhwari of Tanzania. The other runners clearly outperformed Akhwari. He experienced leg cramping from the high altitude; they didn’t have altitudes that high back in his country. He tried to jockey for position at the 19-kilometer point; there was some contact between the runners jostling for position, he was hit, lost his balance, fell, wounded his knee, dislocated his knee joints, and his shoulders hit the pavement hard.

After running 30 kilometers, his head throbbed, his muscles ached, and he fell to the ground. He had severe leg injuries. Officials wanted him to withdraw, but he refused to drop out of the race. After medics bandaged his knee, Akhwari picked himself up and hobbled the remaining 12 kilometers to the finish line. He ended the marathon, the last of 57, and an hour later than the winner. All but a small number of people watching the race remained to see him cross the finish line; the rest had already left the stadium. He made it over the finish line and collapsed. That event is considered one of the greatest and most heroic efforts in Olympic history. When a reporter asked him, “Why didn’t you drop out?” Akhwari responded, “My country did not send me to start the race. They sent me to finish.”

Today when the name Akhwari is mentioned, his last place finish does not come to mind. What people do remember is that he finished what he started despite the obstacles. He was determined to complete the race, even though no one would have condemned him had he pulled out of the marathon. He understood the important lesson that, although you can’t unwind the odometer, you can decide where you’re going, and you can choose how you get there. Those choices are completely up to you.