A few weeks ago, I held a leadership training where I facilitated a discussion on Leadership and Managing Personal and Professional Mistakes. I told the story of a law enforcement officer, who traffic-stopped a teenage girl in a small Midwestern town. This young lady had been driving for some time. . .in reverse. After receiving several calls from concerned citizens, the Sheriff went to see what was going on. He arrived at the scene, stopped the young lady and asked, “Miss, why are you driving in reverse?” She explained to the officer, “My father gave me permission to use his car, but I put too many miles on it?” She continued saying, “And now, I’m trying to unwind some of it.”
There are some important realities that we should not overlook. First, you’re not perfect; you can only create a perception of perfection. You are going to mess up at one time or another. You might even make a real mess of things. If you’re lucky, word of your mess up will be limited to a small number of people. If you’re “really” lucky, the ones who know about your mess up don’t matter. Unfortunately, many of us are not that lucky, and maybe you’re not one of the lucky ones. You screwed up – in business, in your personal life, or in a relationship – and lots of people you know, love, and whose opinion you care about, know it. So, what now?
Start off by accepting the fact that “what’s done is done.” With an automobile there are ways, although it’s not legal (I even think it’s a felony), to “unwind an odometer.” In real life, you can’t unwind the odometer. Ruminating about it, obsessing over it, and beating yourself up doesn’t change what happened. The best thing and only good option is to learn valuable lessons from this experience so that you don’t pass this way again. So, face the music head on, consequences included, and go and “sin” no more. My personal belief is that there are no mistakes in life, there are only life lessons. If you don’t learn the lesson, then you’re an idiot or a fool (if the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t try it on). Everyone has a label: wise, idiot, or fool; but you choose which one you wear.
Keep in mind, you are not the first person to mess up, and you won’t be the last. Some people will talk about you. Others will judge and criticize you. Just remember that your real friends will still love you and be there for you, and people have a short attention span. They will move on soon enough and focus on the next person who messed up. Here’s a tip, if you want people to move on quickly, let them know through your actions that having people talk about you doesn’t faze you. Even if it bothers the heck out of you, act as if it doesn’t. They will get bored, stop looking at you, and focus on someone else.
I learned two things over the years that influence how I look at major mistakes in life: I learned that one major mistake, or one bad period in your life, or even several major mistakes or periods of life, cannot define you unless you allow it to. You are not the essence of one good thing you’ve done in your life, neither are you defined by the bad thing, or things, that you’ve done in your past. In the end, all that matters is what you do from here and the legacy you leave behind when it’s all over. All the great men (and women) who have ever lived, or are still living today have flaws. We don’t remember the flaws. We remember the great things they have done, and we are grateful for their having lived, flaws and all. Their existence made the world a better place.
I also learned that finishing the race, and how you finish the race, says more about you than how fast you finished. During the marathon of the 1968 Olympic Games in Mexico, the winner was Mamo Wolde, an Ethiopian Runner. However, he is overshadowed in history by the last place runner Tanzanian Runner, John Stephen Akhwari of Tanzania. The other runners clearly outperformed Akhwari. He experienced leg cramping from the high altitude; they didn’t have altitudes that high back in his country. He tried to jockey for position at the 19-kilometer point; there was some contact between the runners jostling for position, he was hit, lost his balance, fell, wounded his knee, dislocated his knee joints, and his shoulders hit the pavement hard.
After running 30 kilometers, his head throbbed, his muscles ached, and he fell to the ground. He had severe leg injuries. Officials wanted him to withdraw, but he refused to drop out of the race. After medics bandaged his knee, Akhwari picked himself up and hobbled the remaining 12 kilometers to the finish line. He ended the marathon, the last of 57, and an hour later than the winner. All but a small number of people watching the race remained to see him cross the finish line; the rest had already left the stadium. He made it over the finish line and collapsed. That event is considered one of the greatest and most heroic efforts in Olympic history. When a reporter asked him, “Why didn’t you drop out?” Akhwari responded, “My country did not send me to start the race. They sent me to finish.”
Today when the name Akhwari is mentioned, his last place finish does not come to mind. What people do remember is that he finished what he started despite the obstacles. He was determined to complete the race, even though no one would have condemned him had he pulled out of the marathon. He understood the important lesson that, although you can’t unwind the odometer, you can decide where you’re going, and you can choose how you get there. Those choices are completely up to you.
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